Friday, March 12, 2010

Friday Five: Fashion Edition

I went to the mall last week and my visit inspired this week's Friday Five post. I'm also cranky. Be forewarned...

OK, retailers are suffering. This is apparent. Everyone blames the recession for keeping inventory low and people away, but maybe the hideous trends being shoved down our throats can shoulder some of the blame, no? I like fashion as much as the next gal, but really designers, if you want to start selling again, you really need to stop making...

1. Skinny jeans. No one looks good in them unless they wear a tunic or abbreviated muu-muu to cover up that puffy little muffin top/belly roll/spare tire. This ensemble makes most people look like an apple on a stick. Not flattering. (The only thing that's even possibly worse is a pair of acid washed jeans that have been pre-shredded. If someone had to chemically wear out your jeans in some factory in China then you are indeed a loo-whooo-ser.)

2. Empire waist shirts/dresses with waaaay too much fabric. I don't need to be reminded of what I looked like when nine months along. Thank you, but no.

3. Open-toe boots. Whaaa???

4. See through anything that isn't underwear. Because no matter how beautiful you are, you'll still end up looking like this.

5. Neon if you are above the age of thirteen. Even for the young, headbands made of colors not found in nature are kind of a bad idea. Hopefully this trend will disappear as quickly as it did in the 80s, or everyone is going to look like they just stepped off a Wham! video.

Alright I'm done complaining, but you are free to bitch all you want in your comment box!


  1. Skinny jeans. Guilty as charged.

    I still can't get on board with gladiator sandles--anything with that many straps make my legs look like stumps. And ironically the flowy shirts were fine before I had a baby, but after? No way. You run the risk of people asking how far along you are and that's not a good scene.

  2. You are one of the few who can get away with skinny jeans.

    And I totally agree with you on the gladiator sandals--only Brad Pitt and Russell Crowe look good in them.

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  4. Just wanted to make it clear that it's skinny ass Laura who wears skinny jeans. If I wear them they make me look like I have a pair of sausages for legs. But for some reason I really want to wear them. I can't tell you how many times I've been in a dressing room with piles of jeans on the floor that I could barely squeeze a foot out of. Sad, but true.

  5. Lisa--that's why we should all worship the bootcut.

    Hola, Marninbambu!

  6. Jeggings(ick a word that should not exist) really only belong on waifish 15-year-olds. I think the trick for heavier-legged ladies like myself is to go for more of a straight leg look. That becomes pretty much a skinny jean.

    And the open-toe boot is pissing me off big time. Take a cute boot and make it unwearable in a cooler climate: awesome idea!