Tuesday, August 11, 2009

That Story Again?

We all have them. The story you tell, again and again, because it's entertaining, or definitive of your personality, or just mind-blowingly strange. The one your friends ask to hear again and again; the one you truck out at parties when the conversation has dulled; the one that makes your spouse roll his eyes when you begin. Here's mine, notable because it's just so darn embarrassing:

Early 90s. Viper Room on Sunset Blvd. I'm about 22 and my IQ is hovering around that number as well. I spot a really hot guy just hanging out by himself, and, after a few glasses of whatever, muster up the courage to ask him to dance. He declines, graciously, and explains that he works at the bar so it really wouldn't be appropriate. I vaguely remember him wiping some tables and clearing glasses, so I'm not too insulted. I stumble back over to my friend, Susan, who is staring at me, mouth hanging open. "What were you just saying to Johnny Depp?" WHAT??? After a few "oh my gods" I laugh it off. A while later a tray of shots appears in front of my little group, I look over and HE gives a little wave, nothing flirty, just a friendly little "have fun" kind of wave. I get a little greedy with the shots, so there are a few gaps in rest of the story (apparently I danced with the guy who played Sal on 21 Jump Street!) but I guess we were among the last to leave that night. As I tripped out the door, Mr. Depp put a fatherly hand on my arm and asked Susan if I was going to be OK. "Of course," she said as I lurched forward, caught my boot on something and landed on my ass on Sunset Blvd, River Phoenix style. Baby-doll dress up around my neck, feet in the air...lovely. HE runs out with a couple of other guys and they all help me to preserve my remaining shreds of dignity and get me up and into the car. I can even remember him smoothing down my dress!

On the flight home the next day I threw up so many times I thought, at one point, the airplane toilet had sucked down my stomach. Even in my total humiliation, though, I could remember that Johnny Depp hadn't looked at me with disgust but with kindness. That helped. A little.

So, what's your story? We won't be judgy-judgy. Honest!


  1. Sadly, I have too many! None that involve celebrities, though! That is a funny, sweet, and well worth repeating story. Keep on telling it!

  2. I would advise anyone who reads this to head over to your blog, Suzanne (http://suzyhayze.blogspot.com/) for an amazing story--carnivals, true love, weddings, a great dress, what's not to like?

  3. I have no stories as good as that one. And I'll never tire of hearing it.

  4. Loretta,

    You are too nice! But really, about the story you posted. I have already called three of my Johnny depp loving friends to direct them to read this. I think one of them fainted over the phone. Well remembered!

  5. Best. Story. Ever.

    It's classic too, because Laura gets wasted and ends up in a cab with my in-laws, and you get hammered and end up getting nursed by Johnny Depp. Awesome.

  6. HOLY CRAP--I have LOVED Johnny Depp since Benny & Joon (great soundtrack too btw). I can't believe you hit on him then he HELPED you!!! Ahhh!!!

    Tell me on the phone the next time we talk too. Keep telling EVERYONE this story!

  7. O.M.G. Can I steal that story? Not for a book, but just for general, you know, bragging purposes?
    I know you weren't yourself that night and all, but believe me when I say you have NOTHING to be embarrassed of. You freaking met Johnny Depp! You hit on him! He was nice to you (which is totally unsurprising - can't you just tell he's sweet?)...
    Seriously, hold on to this story. It's a gem!

  8. I'd love to play along, but all my stories involve terrorists and crumbling buildings!! I'd trade those for a Johnny Depp story anyday!!

  9. Oh, Kathleen, that is a truly amazing story. One for the grandkids!